Bring In The New

The company was replacing an old piece of machinery with not a new piece of the same machine but a whole new deal. It meant that the staff who knew the operations of the current machine had to start at the beginning of the learning curve when the new one comes in. Needless to say, there was a fair amount of resistance to the change. The management won the argument, if there ever was one, and the shipment arrived at the door one fine morning.

As production had to go on, the old working systems were kept running while the new one was being installed. It took twice as much space to run the factory this way and slightly more expensive but the deal had been signed. The traders from the supplier's factory arrived with boxes of the various parts of equipment, expecting help from us to configure it according to our needs. Some experienced workers were yanked off the floor to assist with setting up the system. The less experienced staff were left fiddling with running the operations of the shop.

The old men did not want to leave their familiar environment and the young boys, excited about the new toy, were not allowed anywhere near it. "You lack the skills to help with the fitting", they were told. Hanging about the older rusty tools made the young crowd restless while their counterparts poking around with the mass of shiny metal parts upstairs were wavering. For a while, everyone on both floors was an unhappy person. Everyone felt like an apprentice.

In time, people accepted their roles grudgingly and the noise from the two systems banging about became the way of life. Occasionally, one of the newbies downstairs would be called upstairs, to move something here or explain something there and they would go back. The couple of times I went upstairs, I came down charged up.

The big machine came with a lot of little attachments on the side. None of it was free but, for some reason, the management had decided that it would be useful to buy the extra stuff too. As they were fitted, which was rather quick, they were brought downstairs to start operations. They came with the promise to function without any hitches, hence not in need of much attention. In reality, that was not the case and before long, we were juggling too many things on our floor. The people that were upstairs were not coming back.

One day, the area I was working in got called to bring a box back from upstairs. It was acknowledged that it would be heavy and clunky but also came with the promise of easy maintenance and a possible upgrade. We were sceptical but also eager to see what it was like.

The first thing we learned, upon opening the box, was that it was not going to plug into our existing set-up. It had to sit by the side and drone on by itself. Considering that we merely had to keep an eye on it to make sure it was picking up the right materials and thrashing out the stuff that we could sell, we were not too concerned.

The next morning, two technicians and two negotiators were sent to acquire the working knowledge of the new box from the suppliers. The surprises never seemed to end. The training was much harder than we anticipated. As one of our trainers constantly repeated, the devil was in the details. There were more details than we could assimilate each day. While the sellers knew their product very well, they had no idea about what we were doing. Trying to understand their apparatus in our environment was a Herculean task, made harder by the differences between the two parties. We spoke different languages and lived in different cultures. Not literally, of course, but it might as well have been.

We flung balls at them from all sides and they batted as best as they could. A few words were exchanged in frustration, when things didn't go very well. Eventually, the handover was complete and we went back to our respective offices. The new machine was placed in a little corner, eating away resources and churning out objects that we never had time to look at. The marketing guys would pick it up and sort it out. Many days went by before any one of us had a chance to see what was going on there.

This morning, the thing started to splutter and cough, all of us crowded around it, adding our two pennies worth of knowledge from the handover. None of us knew exactly what to do. Within the next couple of hours, shit hit the fan and everyone was yelling at each other. Some bright kids ran to the store to bring the operations manuals. This is just the beginning.

A Day Trip to Bribie Island

How has the new year been so far? Well, it has been all of 3 days and nothing has considerably changed from last year. Unless you count the fact that I haven't worked at all this year and yet expect to get paid for these days.

That's just me being cheeky there. Ignore me and read on. 

The day trip I spoke of in my last post turned out well. The weatherman said there was possible rain on New Year Day and definite rain on Sunday and Monday. As normal, (s)he was lying. It rained on Saturday. Non-stop. Drizzled, increased, stopped, poured, showered and did all of that in various permutations. May I also mention that the following couple of days have been bright and sunny with no sign of showers?

Praying that the rain will not deter my companions from going ahead with the trip, I set about getting ready for the day. I think it almost did in one of them but for my insistence and her baby's excitement at going to a beach. What we would do in the rain, at a beach, we were not sure. We decided to go because the plans were in place. 

As I announced later that day, someone up there really loves me. Or maybe the li'l one. Whatever! It was a couple of hours worth of train and bus journey before we arrived at Bribie. It could have been later but, as I said, someone up there loves me. We hopped off the train and standing right there, ready to leave as soon as we hopped on, was the bus to Bribie. We got off the bus near Woorim Beach and voila, no more rain! A quick scan of the what and where of our surroundings, Kid and I changed and took off towards the water. 

The long stretch of white sand felt great under our feet. The first splash in the brown waters of the Moreton Bay assured us there was no need to acclimatize. Perfect water temperature for a play. There were too many sea-weeds closer to the beach but we wanted to play with the waves further down anyway. It must be all the summer rain, we gauged. The clouds hid the sun but restrained from dampening our beach-day out.

Splash splosh splash. Click click click click. Shower. Change. Time for the bus. Rain. Whooosh.

It poured heartily while we ordered our lunch and spent 2 hours enjoying a yummy margherita pizza from Dominos, a delicious order of pancakes with maple syrup, cream and ice-cream and some crummy French Toast. While someone up there loved me and the kid, it was not the case with the kid's mum. 

She asks a boy on the beach if he would take a picture of us and he goes, "Ummmm... ah... No". 

She orders pizza at Dominoes and we all wait outside for them to call us when it's ready. 5 minutes later, another crowd goes in, orders and leaves with their order. Another 5 minutes and the same repeats. We peep in, the girls are chatting on phone, hugging each other and having a merry time, showing no signs of getting our order ready. Ten minutes later, mum and kid go in & are back in seconds, with the pizza. The order has been ready for a while, we waited for the girls to call us while they waited for us to go in. Duh! Hot pizza, anyone?

She orders French toast while I go for pancakes. We finish the pizza. A massive serving of pancake arrives. We've finished the pancakes, the coffee, a conversation and just missed our bus, so we have to wait an hr. We tease her that they must have forgotten her order. She goes in to check. Sure enough they have! What were the chances of that? When it finally comes, it is a tiny serving, all of 2 slices of bread with a smear of omellette. 

She walks to the bus driver on our way back to confirm that we are on the right bus. The driver snaps at her, "Didn't you see the board before you got in?"

Back to our day trip. Rest assured that her day being snappy did not meddle with the spirits for any of us, her included. From then on, throughout the journey, it rained like the rain Gods were having a gala to bring in the New Year. Stepped off the train at my station and walked into the damp air but no rain. 

As a kid, I used to believe that if I did something on the first day of the year, the rest of the year would follow suit. If that is true, this year is going to be fantastic! So far, the trend seems to be in order. A day trip on the first Saturday of the year. The next two Saturdays have been booked for day events too. All of them involve taking the same train and then another means of transport from the station. Interesting.

Bullied By A Box

If you have used (or still use) Microsoft, you know about the innumerable patches they seem to force us to download every day or other, threatening that the current software would not work otherwise. One such day incident interrupted my beautiful life.

There is this little blue chip flashing at the bottom right corner of my screen, saying "Hello, look at me, click on me, get your updates. Do it now. Do it now! Do it NOW! DO IT NOW!"

With a gun to my head, I click on the 'Get Updates' button and allow MS to download all the updates it wants to. Everyone is happy now. Right? Wrong. 

You must restart your computer for the changes to take effect, MS says. 

I am in the middle of a very important status update on Twitter. Or maybe I was writing a blog. Or reading one. In any case, I do not want to restart right now. 

"Fuck you", I say as I close the window. 

A few seconds later, a message pops up discreetly, at the bottom right corner of my screen. It warns me that it will restart the computer, unless I notice it accidentally and set a time that it should wait for before reminding me again. 

Remind me after 10 minutes, I clicked, and went back to whatever (un)important activity I was involved in. Choosing a theme for my Twitter homepage.

Five minutes later, the little blue window appears again, taking up a quiet corner of my screen, so that I don't notice it and it can restart because I did not select on the remind me option again. I'm too smart and sharp for a dick-head computer, you moron! 

Remind me after 10 minutes, I click again, laughing inwardly at the computer's stupidity, for I intended to do exactly the same thing in another 10 minutes. Whatever happened next, I did not see it coming... Although, now that I think of it, why didn't I?

All hell breaks lose after that. MS gets irritated. The screen goes blank. When the screen comes back on, couple of windows flash on and off. It threatens to close my windows but, thankfully, it doesn't. The screen goes blank again. A few seconds of tantrums before everything is back on and things go quiet. 

I mean, really quiet. Really, really, fucking quiet! I click on a tab on Chrome and it refuses to budge. It won't tell me if it's doing anything. It will not even acknowledge that I clicked on something. A few frustrated clicks and it comes to life. Slowly, excruciatingly slowly, it starts to shift from one thing to another, pretending to be dragging itself to action one click of mine to another, while all I can do is watch and wait. I dare not click again, for it will insist on heading there too, before it will let me do anything else. Finally, I think it has covered all my clicks and I can click one more time to get to where I want to actually go. 

Hell, no! Windows flashing again, switching tabs, more tantrums. Somewhere in the midst of all this, I've hit the 'Start' button, so the menu pops up. I can hover all I want but it won't select an option. Maybe it would have, if I had waited another century! 

Silence again.

Okay, I give up. I'll let you restart. Show me what you have got, I'll hit the right buttons. The buttons YOU think are right, I mean!

Yes, I am mighty pissed! Can you blame me? I am supposed to be the master of my computer. How can a dumb-fuck machine tell me what to do? Yet, here it is. Bullying me. Throwing me ultimatums - Either you restart me or you can stare at my screen like an idiot, unable to do anything.

I click on the little light blue icon again, mentally cursing, the angriest words popping in my head. I'm too scared to speak out aloud and offend the stubborn monster in front of me. 

Why does it give me the option of restarting later if it won't allow me to do anything until I restart? Why the lie? I didn't refuse to restart, merely said to wait a bit. If you cannot apply the updates until I restart, so be it. Let me just work with the old version until I am ready to restart. What is your bloody problem, Mother?

Now, where was I? Oh yes, I click on the evil blue icon. Nothing happens. What the??! What now? I have accepted defeat. I want to restart now so I can get on with my pathetic life. What is the problem? It seems to take pleasure in torturing me. After what seemed like ages, during which I was terrified of clicking on the icon (or anywhere else) again and so waited patiently (seething inside), the small window quietly comes up on my screen. Restart, I clicked hastily, before it would disappear on me and taunt me for not being quick enough!

You would think the computer would just shut down all the windows (@#$*$##@^&*@#) and restart. Think again! After being such a bully and forcing me to abandon whatever I was doing, in favour of restarting my session, the fella wants to make up. 

Now that I've had my way, let me be nice to you, you poor little idiot. (I'm pretty sure that's what it was thinking)

The screen lists all the sessions I have open, with two buttons at the bottom asking if I want to Cancel or Force Restart. What a joke! If you are thinking it's waiting for me to make my choice, try again! It knocks off one item after another on my list anyway, closing windows as I watch powerlessly. 

When it stopped a few windows later, I click on Force Restart, ignoring the cautionary warning in italics just above the button. It says that if I force restart my machine, I will lose all unsaved data. How funny! Don't I know that? 

Are you sure you want to Force Restart? You will lose all unsaved data. Click cancel to go back to your session.

I am paraphrasing here, of course, but really! Really! Is that even an option? If I cancelled whatever it is that you want to do, will you really let me continue to work in peace? Even if that were remotely true (I don't believe it for a moment, by the way), what about all those windows that you just closed? There was nothing to save there but for God's sakes, I need those damn windows open to continue what I was doing!!

Seriously, what option do I have? So, I authorize it to forcibly close all my windows and restart. As it proceeds to kill my sessions, I can almost see it smiling. The Evil Grin of a victor. The ruffian cruelly forced me to act against my wishes, yet made it look as if I authorized it. What better way to win than humiliate your opponent as he helplessly wriggles under the strength of your grip, especially a mental one?

A lovely way to begin my weekend. I can't wait to experience the rest of it! (Hint: sarcasm)

Lee Lounge

Yesterday was  a day of good customer service. Mostly. 

I had bought my husband a pair of jeans from Lee earlier last week. It lasted all of 5 days. A couple of wears later, a small hole formed in the jeans and stray threads loosened up. Bloody hell! I did not pay two thousand bucks for a pair of jeans that would last only 5 days. No way! I took the jeans right back to the store and requested an exchange. I was all set to create a scene, if required, but I would get an exchange from them no matter what! 

First visit. The guy gave me an exchange note, saying they would have to perform a quality check and that he would call me when that is done. Not bad. Atleast he did not say, "but you've already worn it", like the guy at the store where we bought the husband's shoes did some weeks ago. 

Five days later, there was still no call, so we called. Two calls and no response later, I was beginning to get annoyed. Bad customer service, I thought. Last evening, I landed at their store. Without a word and a smile, they gave me a new pair of jeans. They let my husband try it on, in case we needed a different size.  

I always loved Lee for their lovely fit. Now, I like them even more for their customer service. No whining, no excuses, great accountability. Yeah, I'm willing to ignore the week-long wait. 

ICICI Bank. Khayal Aapka.

Have you seen ICICI bank's Khayal Aapka ads on the telly lately? As a fellow blogger describes aptly, in his blog, where he complains that they don't really live up to the khayal aapka (we care for you) promise

But I thought that the ICICI Khayaal aapka series was well done. There is something truly warm and real about an elderly lady being able to speak as much as she wants to a stranger - a bank employee. And the bank employee listening to her into the wee hours of the night. Banks are about speed and efficiency; so its reassuring to know that you can get a listen. Similarly the other one in the series, shows a child comfortably fooling around at the bank while the mother gets the work done. Simple, warm.

Until yesterday, I would have agreed with him. For one, the customer service of ICICI has not been so great in the last year or so. I've heard similar complaints from colleagues, some of who have closed all their accounts with the bank. Secondly, it seemed a bit too far-fetched. Now look at this ad. Would someone in the bank just sit listening to an old lady yak for hours together?

Choti choti baatein hamesha choti nahi hoti. ICICI Bank. Khayal aapka.

This morning, I walked in to the CMH Road branch of ICICI bank to close my demat account. I've heard enough about how awful it can be when you visit the bank to close accounts. I reached there early so that I did not have to wait long and I could make it to their other insurance branch to surrender my policy before they close at their half-day timings. As expected, I got the first number on the Demat counter and I was pleased. 

It was with a bit of surprise that I found an old lady at the 'Demat' counter. She was there to buy 20 grams of gold, on the occasion of Akshaya Trithiya. She was waiting for the guy at the counter (I found out later that his name was Uday). As soon as he arrived, she turned hysterical and started panicking that somebody was waiting for her downstairs. "His name is Shrivathsa. He will come now but he will not wait for me. Somebody please go downstairs and tell him to wait. Please!" Uday tried to find her someone to go down and meet her friend but could not, so what did he do? He walked down to the road himself and brought her friend up to meet her. Then our dear aunty took off into a long exchange of pleasantries with Mr. S, loudly while Uday tried to sort out her documents for her. Each time he started to explain something to her, she cut him off and turned to her friend, because she remembered something else to talk about. On one occasion, it was the weather. She tried to bargain with him on the prices of the gold coin. Then she had another discussion with Mr. S about the difference in the rates at various banks. Our customer service executive patiently explained to her how ICICI bank offers the best rates and what documents she had to sign. Throughout the 30 - 40 minutes that the old lady sat there yakking, he patiently listened to her, addressed her queries and concerns, in almost a replay of the khayal aapka ad. 

Even though my work there took only a couple of minutes, I had to wait a good half hour, I did not mind it at all. I was amazed by the care the customer service executive took, of his customer. While three of us waited patiently for the old lady to leave, we did not have to just sit around either. Uday came over to where we were waiting, found out what we were there for and handed out our forms to fill while we waited. When my turn came, I merely had to hand over the form, get his signature and pick up the receipt, all the while he tried to hold a pleasant conversation with me. Okay, he was trying to sell me gold and I told him I was not interested but he was really nice about it. Also, I was already pretty impressed by the calm and pleasant manner in which he carried out his work, so my time at ICICI left me feeling good.

In fact, when another customer had difficulty with getting a token for himself, I got up from where I was and helped him out. Normally, I would give him directions and leave him to help himself but today I was inspired to walk up to the token machine & get the token for the man. Who says that you cannot change the world by example? In fact, the entire experience started off my day pretty well. 

My next stop was at the ICICI Prudential office near Mayo Hall. Here again, excellent customer service. The receptionist was very helpful, the customer service executive (Nandish?) explained to me how I could obtain a duplicate policy document, even told me where and how I could obtain the required paper. Upon his advice, I took off to get the document in order. I returned to the bank, requested the receptionist who very kindly helped copy the duplicate request on the paper I had bought. Back to the service desk (priority bank, hah), filled the forms, paid the fees and off I was. 

I was wondering whether I should mention the not-so-bright boys I met at the branch. Two boys, who found it impossible to understand "Get a blank paper valued at Rs. 200 and xerox this template on it". How hard is that? After I explained to them how they could get the required paper, they left the building and returned a good 20 minutes later. They wanted a copy of my document because the guys at the court did not understand what they wanted and demanded Rs. 650 from them! Did not understand? How hard is that? Really! Do you understand what you want? If they did not understand, what were they charging you 650 bucks for? Really!

Anyway, I refused to give them my now-filled form because I was not comfortable sharing my policy details with them. The employee accompanying them said if I would give it to her, she would photocopy the document for them and wipe out my details with white ink. Hmm. I was not too happy with that either but I let her have it anyway. Good customer service again. As far as the dumb boys are concerned, I mean. As for me, I still have a nagging uneasiness about giving away my updated form to strangers. The only comfort is that I am going to close the account after all. All's well that ends well, I guess. 

The call to the customer care for an updation of my address was smooth and simple too. A day of good customer care experiences, all with ICICI bank.

  

Cheat The Cheater: Strike A Bargain

photo by Ragaabhinaya

Bargaining is a big thing in India. If you are good at bargaining, you can get anything for a fantastic price. Sadly, it is a talent I do not possess. I would rather go to a 'fixed price' shop and buy something for the quoted price than put myself through the stress of wondering what the actual price of the article might have been, how much I am being overcharged, what the best price of the item would be and the actual ritual of haggling! Phew!

I needed some paper for a bank request this morning. There are only two places where one can get this paper but both were out of my reach. There is also a third place which sells them but for an extra cost, the latter depending on how well you can bargain. In a little shop on the courtyard of a court. 

Near the entrance of this building, there are a number of typists who type up affidavits and similar legal documents. There are lawyers in the designated black coats, smoking, drinking coffee or just standing around waiting for gullible victims they can make a quick buck out of. There is a small shop that sells coffee, tea, snacks (chakkuli, nippattu, etc) and some miscellaneous items (for e.g. smokes). It is here that you can also buy these papers.

As soon as I walked in the gate, I was intercepted by a man in black coat, who looked every bit like a crook. I had no choice but to explain to him what it was that I wanted. After all, I had been told to expect that. With an unabashed tone, he said to me, "It will cost you 400 rupees". Four hundred bucks for something worth 200? Was he out of his mind? I forced myself to remain calm and told him that someone sent me here saying it would cost me 250 rupees only. He insisted that it were not easily available, so I had to pay him an extra 200 rupees to procure it. Two hundred bucks to procure it, my ass!

I put on the best helpless look I could and told to him that I did not have that much money with me. I went on to describe my 'circumstances' to him, telling him that I had to pay a fee of 200 rupees at the bank and I brought just enough money with me to pay him 250 rupees. Clearly, he had seen enough people like me (probably more) to know that I was haggling with him. Initially he refused to budge but when I insisted that I really did not have enough money, he obliged and reduced the cost to 350 rupees. Are you kidding me? Do you not understand "I do not have so much money"? I kept repeating my story to him as many times as it took to get him to down his price further. Also, because I could not think of anything else to say. Also, because nagging and repeating is what I do best. Sic.

Finally, he asked me how much I would pay him. I said, "They told me it will cost only 50 rupees extra sir". He, obviously, knew I was BS-ing him and I knew that he knew but I had to try. Finally, we agreed to a price of 300 rupees. He was looting me by 100 bucks. Sigh. He pointed me to the tiny shop. 

I went up to the shopkeeper, who said to me that he would get it by 11AM. A 20-minute wait. In the meanwhile, I tried to find out if I could get it elsewhere instead but apparently, I could only get it at the post office if not where I was at. My husband was at the post office at the moment, so he tried there. They were working till 3PM but asked him to come back on Monday anyway. Government offices! Sigh! 

So, I returned to the courtyard and waited till 11 'O' clock. I went back to the shop and he said he was still waiting for someone to bring it. The guy said he would call me when it arrived. While I waited, I saw the guy selling papers to a couple of lawyers. I went back to him and asked again. He said he was still waiting and that he would call someone. He fiddled with his mobile for a bit when I did my 'help me' act again, "Please sir, I need to go to the bank before 12 'O' clock or the bank will close". It was 11.25AM. The guy waited another 5 minutes while I stood rooted on a spot in front of his shop. Finally, he left the shop and went to bring it himself. Within 5 minutes, I got my paper. I paid him 200 bucks, trying to see if I could get away without paying extra. He gave me an incredulous look. "Madam, 50 rupees", he said, as I handed him another 50 rupee note. Well, atleast he was not trying to rob me like the lousy lawyer did. 

I needed to photocopy the contents of a template onto the stamp paper. Our man in black coat was right in front of the copier. I made a quick decision. I would not go to him and pay up. I will just slink away. I've already paid 50 bucks to the guy selling me the paper. The bank had a photocopier machines anyway, they could do my document for me. As expected, they did the document for me. I felt proud of myself. I had never in my wildest dreams imagined that if someone tried to charge me 200 bucks, I would be able to bargain and get the same for 50 bucks. Hah! I had cheated the cheater.