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14 Apr 2010

I Quit

You would think that quitting a job is the easiest thing to do and finding another one is the hard part. If someone had told me otherwise, I would have thought they were crazy. Guess what? I just quit my current job. Finding the other one was much easier than working out the resignation. Or so it seems.

I've quit jobs before. What does it take? A resignation letter. Surrendering assets and collecting your leaving certificate. Period. Not quite. I remember now. All the stress involved in trying to get the relieving letter, the worry about money being deposited in my bank account and trying to finish assigned work before the last date.

I resigned from my current job last week. It is, by far, the most stressful resignation ever. I've had at least 3 discussion with 3 different managers so far, explaining why I am leaving. It is a bit strange because I want to leave and they are willing to let me. That done, I am struggling to finalize on a last date. I have approvals from one manager, waiting on the other. Then, there's the wait for the manager to initiate the exit formalities. Obtaining the various relieving documents. Waiting out the deposit of settlements into my account. Closing my PF account. So much to get done! This is so tough!

Finding the job was much easier. They came looking for me, so I was spared the stress of applying for jobs and waiting on responses. CV, interview, test, referrals and approvals later the offer landed on my desk. Accepting the job, however, was much harder. To go or not to go. I guess that is what happens when you get things you badly want but are not sure if you'll get it, so you are mentally prepared not to get it. I guess that is what happens when you spend too much time wondering why things have to go wrong for you, then suddenly some of it is righted in one wave of a wand! If I had applied for about 10 jobs and given about 7 interviews and had an offer or two, it might have been easier to pick one. Maybe it was the case of actually getting what you deserve, unexpectedly, and then you wonder if you really deserved it... or maybe deserved more... Or less. Or more. Or... Well, you get the point. Confusion!

Then, there's the nagging thought at the back of your head. How about not working for a bit? A career break. How about trying that other thing you always wanted to do? A change of career. So many options suddenly lie open. It's like being asked to pick your favourite flavour of ice-cream from half a dozen. I love ice-cream, all flavours of ice-cream. How can I pick one? I never thought quitting could be so exciting. Or so stressful. "I quit" must have been the easiest thing to say and move on but it is not.

Now that I've made my decision, cutting through the path that will take me to my destination is turning out to be another ordeal. So many things to consider. How do I want it? What do I need to do? What is my back-up plan if my decision fails? Do I have the finances to deal with things? I'm swinging between excitement and stress. More of the latter.

You think picking the swimsuit would be the least of your worries; it is the swimming in water that would be tough. You walk into a shop and see twenty thousand swimsuits, each with a different purpose. The salesman tells you that you need more than one swimsuit. Fuck! Now your head is swimming in a vast array of confusing decisions to make. You are looking forward to the actual swimming, cannot wait to grab your suits, pay your bills and jump in. The swimming is not going to be easy either. The water might be icy cold. You might have picked the wrong suit. Maybe you have forgotten what you learnt in the classes. Something else could go wrong. 

Was I not supposed to be excited about this activity? Why am I so stressed? Where is all the fun? 

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