I was reading an email that my husband forwarded to me over a years ago. Don't ask me why it took so long to read it. Oh well, ask me. It is because the email is that long! Coming back to the email...
Among other things, this bit I liked best. Oh, by the way, the subject of the email was 'Things my girlfriend and I argue about'
Margret flooded the kitchen last week. Turned the taps on, put the plug in the sink, and utterly forgot about it (because she'd come upstairs and we'd got involved in an unrelated argument). She goes back downstairs, opens the door and - whoosh - it's Sea World. The interesting thing about this is, if I'd flooded the kitchen, it would have been a bellowing, 'You've flooded the kitchen, you idiot!' and then she'd have done that thing where I curl up in a ball, trying to protect my head, and she kicks me repeatedly in the kidneys. As it was, however, there's a shout, I run downstairs and stand for a beat in the doorway - taking in the scene, waves lapping gently at my ankles - and she turns round and roars, 'Well, help me then - can't you see I've flooded the kitchen, you idiot?'
Yes, go on, say what you are thinking.